Brotherhood
by Loopstagirl
Summary: They were all struggling after Morgana's attack. But time, friendship and loyalty can allow any wound to heal. Set after 4x13.
1. Merlin and Elyan

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners, I'm only borrowing.**

**Might regret doing two at once, just couldn't get this idea out of my head. Takes place directly after 4x13.**

It had to be around midnight when Merlin woke with a start, the remnants of a dream making his magic swirl around the room before he fell back against his pillows. Brushing his hair back with one hand, the warlock blew out a long breath, simply lying there and reassuring himself for a moment that they were safely back in Camelot, that everyone was alive and well. Or, at least, getting there. He knew the Kingdom had suffered devastating losses at Morgana's hands once again, and had spent enough years learning from Gaius to know that they had only made it to the dungeons in the nick of time. Gwaine wouldn't have survived another fight and Gaius wouldn't have lasted another day without sustenance. But they had made it there, and out of his close knit group of friends, Merlin knew that everyone was alright.

That didn't stop the dreams though. He knew he wasn't the only one, but every night he was forced to relive some of the things he had done. The caves were the main event that plagued him, Aggravaine's look of shock as Merlin casually threw him to his death. In a way, it wasn't even the killing that tormented him. Years of protecting the once-prince and the now King of Camelot had hardened him to it in a way he had never thought possible. It was the way he had instantly slipped back into a joking manner with Arthur straight away. He had protected Arthur physically once again, and then took on the role of trying to piece together his mental state once more.

Sighing, Merlin climbed out of his small bed. He knew that he would get no more sleep tonight, especially not as he had to be up at dawn anyway in order to get everything ready for the hunt. There had been a time when he had made the point of grumbling and dragging his feet every step of the way when Arthur declared he wanted to ride out into the forest. But after the last few days, Merlin found it a relief. It gave him the excuse of why he was up so early yet again, and hunts were not what they used to be. It seemed somewhat ironic. Arthur was now king, but was using a hunt as an excuse. No other people were allowed to accompany them apart from the Round Table. Even before Aggravaine's treachery had become apparent for all to see, the group would take to the woods. Sometimes they would hunt, but more often than not, they would just in the grass and let all barriers come tumbling down around them.

This was the first one they had been on since everyone had arrived back in Camelot. Resting one foot on the small box by his window, Merlin leant out, breathing the night air in deeply and letting it flood his senses. Not that he would ever admit it to the king, but he wanted to get out of the castle. For once with a legitimate reason rather than having to think of a lie which often led to the stocks, things being thrown at his head, or even worse, _George_. Laughing softly, Merlin shook his head with fondness when he thought of the servant that could have Arthur running for cover. The King had been forced to look through an entire pile of paperwork the last time Merlin had gone missing. Apparently George actually cleaned under the bed and found the things that Merlin had been storing there for years.

Allowing his thoughts to run away with him, Merlin just stood by the window, looking out into the night sky as it slowly began to change colour. He sighed as the first tinges of a pink hue graced the horizon, shaking the blood back into his frozen limbs and beginning to silently dress. No matter what they had just been through together, Arthur still was not a morning person, even if he was now married.

Tugging his boots on at the same time as trying to fasten his neckerchief, Merlin didn't know how he didn't manage to simply fall down the stairs as he began to creep from the physician's chambers with a strange clumsy silence that he had mastered over the years. Gaius was still snoring away, and Merlin paused for long enough for his eyes to flare gold. The covers were pulled up over the sleeping man and the fire sparked into life, the dancing flames immediately sending warmth through the chilly chambers and helping to drive away the shadows of the night. Merlin finally continued with a genuine smile, already hearing his mentor scolding him for using his magic for trivial things. But regardless of his fussing, Gaius would have a small twinkle of gratitude in his eyes that made everything okay again. In the last year or so, Merlin had seen Gaius frailer than ever, and thought that considering the old man had nearly starved to death; his ward was allowed to worry about him.

Finally though, Merlin made it to Arthur's chambers. Although he knew someone else had residence there now, Merlin still just thought of it as Arthur's room. It held so many of their moments there, defined so much about their relationship that he didn't think that it would ever be known as anything else, even if it was no longer Arthur inhabiting it. Shuddering, Merlin pressed against the wood, preparing to let himself in without knocking as usual. That particular thought process brought back memories too painful. He didn't want to think about how close it had been in order for it not to be Arthur in the room anymore. The worst part was that he knew it wouldn't have necessarily been death that would have stopped the King returning, but his own belief that his kingdom, his people, needed someone better than him. Merlin had had one chance to save him from that peril. Luckily, it had worked, for Excalibur hadn't done the trick, then the secret warlock had no idea what would have restored Arthur's faith.

Letting himself in, Merlin blinked.

"You're up. And ready."

"Shh." One finger rising to his lips, Arthur smiled softly as he glanced over at the bed, Gwen still sleeping peacefully. Merlin had to smile. Another sight that had come too close to being lost forever.

"Come on." His order given, Arthur strode from the room, thrusting a bag into his servant's arms as he did so. Merlin grinned, casting one last look back at Gwen before following Arthur. Previously, Arthur would have made it as awkward as possible for his manservant to get him out on time, but King or not, Arthur would not risk waking his Queen.

The rest of the Knights were waiting for them in the courtyard, although Leon did have hold of the still-pale Gwaine's arm in such a way that Merlin was sure that it was the only thing stopping the man going back to bed. He knew that although they had all been back for a few days, this was the first chance they had to go out. Not everyone would have been strong enough before – both Gwaine and Elyan being ordered bed-rest by Gaius. Elyan had wormed his way out of it by promising to eat a few good meals, but Gwaine had found himself closely watched by Percival and Leon when they heard what he had been through. From the rumours Merlin had heard, Gwaine was not a good patient.

Yet it was not Gwaine that had him glancing over his shoulder as he took up his usual position at Arthur's side. It was just a sign of how close these men were, and how much they valued loyalty and friendship over bloodline, even Leon. Not one of them said a word about the fact that it was a servant riding next to the King. They just knew it was one man riding next to his best friend, one he could have lost, even if neither of the people involved would have admitted it themselves. Merlin had heard from Gaius what Elyan had suffered through, and the fact that he had been brought back from the brink of madness through being forced to look after Gwaine had the physician worried. He had asked Merlin to keep his eyes open whilst they were out and to report back if Elyan didn't seem to be coping.

"So what has you flinching like a maid with a mouse then?" Arthur's drawling voice made Merlin turn his head forward again, and he couldn't help but offer his master a cheeky grin.

"Have you ever seen Gwen with a mouse?"

"She's your Queen, _Mer_lin..."

"You know what they say, once a maid, always a maid..."

"Shut up."

"I thought you asked me a question?" Arthur reached over and cuffed Merlin around the head as his servant attempted to duck away whilst still keeping upright on his horse. His grin slipping slightly, Merlin glanced over his shoulder once more before sighing.

"Gaius is worried about Elyan." It showed just how much Arthur respected both men in question for he didn't scoff in the slightest, or make some comment about his knights being able to handle anything. Instead, he glanced over his shoulder himself.

"I heard it was pretty bad." He eventually muttered, and Merlin could already see the heaviness once more settling on Arthur's shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault, Sire." Arthur offered a half-shrug before digging his heels into his horse and cantering away. Almost immediately, Leon had ridden up to Merlin's side, clearly preparing to go after his disappearing monarch. Merlin shook his head the smallest amount though, an action that was not lost on the knight.

"He's fine. Guilt issues as normal, the prat." There were no other men that Merlin would have felt comfortable in insulting Arthur that causally in front of. "Here a good place?"

"Good as any." Leon confirmed, giving the signal for the men to stop. They all knew that Arthur would return within the hour, a smile back on his face even if it didn't quite meet his eyes. Yet Merlin also knew that an hour after that, the smile would be genuine as he relaxed with his men, with their friends.

The men set about swiftly making a camp up. If Percival steadied Gwaine getting down from his horse, nothing was said. If Leon went to greet Arthur on his return and the two spoke quietly at some length before returning to the camp, no one commented on it. And if they often caught Merlin watching Elyan, Gwaine and Arthur – often trying to see all three at the same time – with worry reflected in his expressive eyes, silence greeted the action. They all knew what they had been through, they could appreciate if not understand what the others had been through, and knew that words could offer no comfort. The concern alone was doing that.

But as the sun continued to rise and then proceed across the sky, the tension slowly fell away from the group. The special treatment of one another began to disappear and the lines of worry soon turned to lines of laughter as they fell back into their old routine of trying to wind each other up. Gwaine and Arthur were sparring with words, Percival smiling softly to himself over the fact that Gwaine seemed to be winning, the king ending up tongue-tied and flustered as his knight twisted whatever comment he had just made. Leon was leaning casually against a tree, dagger in one hand and a piece of wood in the other as he carved away, Merlin occasionally having to swallow past the lump in his throat as memories of his father were brought back to the surface. Elyan had a piece of leather in his hands that he seemed to be twisting into a shape, but Merlin hadn't yet worked out what it was he was trying to create. He kept the forge going as much as he could in between his knightly duties, and Merlin had seen enough to know that the man was talented with his hands.

Arthur, Leon and Gwaine disappeared as the sun reached its peak, determined to find the rest of them lunch whilst Merlin built up the fire and Percival selected berries from a nearby bush. It was small details like that which betrayed their common background. Percival in particular knew how to survive in the wild, and Merlin had found that he had already picked up several tips from him about what improved flavours of a stew created in the middle of nowhere. In return, Merlin had passed on some of the medical properties he had learnt from Gaius, and the pair often wandered off together when on these group sessions, coming back covered in scratches and stings, but satisfied grins on their faces.

Merlin had let Percival go alone this time, the giant of a man swiftly being swallowed by the surrounding vegetation. The warlock was failing at getting the fire started, and it was driving him mad. With Elyan very much in earshot, he couldn't risk using magic and had already managed to scrape one of his fingers with the flint.

"Here." Looking up, Merlin found that Elyan had clearly been watching him for some time with an amused expression on his face. Surrendering the rocks with a grin, Merlin was more than content to watch the master of the flames bring them under his control. The way Elyan knew how to direct the fire always made Merlin smile – he couldn't even manage that properly with his magic without it attempting to buck away from his control.

"Thanks." But Merlin's gratitude seemed lost on Elyan. He had completely frozen, eyes locked on something that was out of Merlin's sight, the grip on the flints so tight that they were beginning to cut into his skin.

"Elyan?" Rising to his haunches, Merlin reached forward. The knight didn't even seem to feel Merlin's attempt to prise the flints from him, and worried that he was going to hurt himself, Merlin dropped his head. Letting his eyes flash, he breathed a spell and simply tugged the rocks away from the man, placing them somewhere safe before slowly standing up.

"Elyan? El? Elyan, can you hear me?" Moving slowly so as not to alarm him, Merlin cautiously began to edge his way around the fire. Elyan's breathing had clearly quickened, and it was almost as if the man couldn't quite draw enough oxygen into his lungs as his gaze stayed fixed on something. Glancing between Elyan and the ground, Merlin followed his eye line and felt his breath catch slightly as something slithered away into the long grass, the heat from the flames scaring it off.

"Oh." Merlin didn't know what else to say. Even though the snake was now gone, Elyan had yet to move. Suddenly, Merlin was glad that none of the others were here. They would have mocked – meaning nothing by it but not understanding the depth of Elyan's fear. Merlin, however, did. He could feel his blood freezing even as his heart began to pound uncomfortably hard, the back of his neck burning and aching with the old pain that had been so familiar in the following days of his possession.

Swallowing hard, Merlin blew out a long breath. It was just a common grass snake, it wasn't going to make him do anything. Bending down, Merlin picked up a long stick and took a step towards where the snake had disappeared. He gave the grass a violent poke, but when nothing happened – a clear sign that the snake had gone – he threw the stick down and stepped back. All thoughts of comforting Elyan were gone as the servant sank into a crouch, focusing on getting his breathing under control and his hands to stop shaking.

"You too?" The quiet voice made him jump, and Merlin looked up to find that Elyan was practically clinging onto a tree, looking as if he had seen a ghost. But the fact that he had moved and was talking again Merlin was sure had to be a positive sign. Mutely, he nodded.

"Don't tell Arthur? He'll never let me hear the end of it."

"As long as you don't tell him about me?" Merlin managed a weak smile, one that Elyan returned just as feebly, both men not wanting to admit their fears, but knowing they had been caught out in the open. Merlin may have promised Gaius that he would keep an eye on his friend, but didn't realise one of the things plaguing him was something that still occasionally gave Merlin nightmares. Silence fell across the pair as Elyan slowly began to sat down and Merlin moved closer to the fire, attempting to hide the fact that he was shivering despite the warmth of the sun,

"What was it?" Elyan asked softly, and Merlin looked over in surprise. The man shrugged. "I've heard you went against a dragon without armour. There is no way you are scared of normal snakes, what happened?"

"It was called a Fomorrah. Right in the back of the neck." Merlin shuddered, his hand running over the small scar he had there. Ironically, it wasn't from the snake itself, but Gaius' numerous attempts to stop him from killing Arthur.

"The time when everyone thought you were dead?"

"Gwen told you?"

"Not really." Elyan shrugged, moving closer to the fire as he did so, the fear finally beginning to leave his eyes. "But I do know that it wasn't bandits and you ended up as Morgana's prisoner." Merlin flinched. He hated being reminded of the fact that he hadn't used magic to get away from her, something that could have potentially cost Arthur his life. He wasn't sure how Elyan knew that, not being aware of how much Gaius had told Gwen in those days, but didn't question it. There was no hints of accusations in Elyan's voice, he simply wanted to know what happened.

"I was lucky, I don't remember much of it. But I'm told I tried to kill Arthur multiple times." He glanced away, still ashamed that he had been turned against the man he had sworn to protect. A gentle hand on his shoulder made him look up.

"I betrayed him, and I _do_ remember. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Merlin."

"But I should have fought harder." Merlin argued, momentarily forgetting that Elyan wouldn't believe for an instant he had a chance of being able to fight against Morgana. After all, he was a knight of Camelot and had fallen victim to her. What chance did a supposedly helpless manservant have against a High Priestess?

"That's what I thought. Did you know a Nathair is harmless most of the time? Unless magic is involved..." Elyan broke off, his trembles more than obvious as he glanced away from Merlin. Returning the man's previous gesture, Merlin gripped his arm lightly.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Sir Knight." He said softly, trying to demonstrate how much he still respected the man. "Gaius told me what happened... apparently they weren't sure if you would pull through it, and think that it is only because Gwaine needed you that you came back to reality."

"I betrayed him though..."

"And a lesser man would have done the same thing just by being in the room with Morgana. Trust me, Elyan, you did all you could. No one could ask for more of you, and at the end of the day, you kept Gaius alive for me."

"And you kept Arthur alive for me." Elyan responded, and both men simply looked at each other in mutual understanding. Elyan had helped Gaius fight, meaning the young warlock had a mentor to go back to. And Merlin had somehow kept Arthur safe and made sure the knight still had a king to protect. Bound together by a fear that the others wouldn't be able to truly comprehend, the two of them were equals. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, before Merlin hastily coughed and pulled his hand away. Elyan started before doing the same, but he didn't withdraw it all the way. Instead, he offered it out to Merlin.

"Down with all snakes?" He muttered, clearly trying to get them back into a more comfortable conversation before the others came back. Merlin smiled, a genuine one this time, and took the offered hand. Grasping it firmly, he nodded his head.

"Down with all snakes." He confirmed, his heart feeling lighter than it had done for a while. He hadn't even told Gaius how the sight of the slithering beast made his palms sweat and the roof of his mouth go dry, yet he had found someone who completely understood. When he reported back to Gaius that evening about how Elyan was doing, he would truthfully be able to say that he was taking a step forward. Knowing that someone wouldn't penalise him for a fear he had no control over, it looked as if the tension had left the knight.

"Hear that, Gwaine? We leave them alone for two minutes and they are planning how to assassinate you, you snake." Merlin jumped, Arthur's voice coming out of the trees directly behind them and causing the servant to spin around. He was just in time to catch the two rabbits that were thrown in his lap, Arthur gracefully stretching out on the ground by the fire. Gwaine walked over Arthur's leg – literally – and sat himself down as Leon resumed what he had been doing before as if the hunt hadn't just happened. Merlin rolled his eyes and picked up one of the rabbits, but a hand entered his vision.

Elyan took the other out of his lap, drawing his dagger and setting to work even as Percival could be heard returning. Merlin just sat there, staring, for a long moment until the knight looked back up, glancing at him questioningly. Merlin just shook his head and set to work, a small smile on his face. Arthur's fist nudged him none to gently in the leg, causing Merlin to look the other way.

"He okay?" The king muttered quietly, clearly thinking back on their earlier conversation and seeing the interaction between his knight and his manservant. Merlin looked back towards Elyan, watching him work in silence for a long moment. The man was frowning slightly as his hands moved effortlessly, but this time, Merlin knew it was with simple concentration rather than anything haunting him. Was he okay? Merlin wasn't sure, but he knew for certain that Elyan was improving, that he would be given time.

Glancing back at Arthur, the warlock felt his smile widen. The king may act cold and dismissive at times, but there could be no denying his concern for his friends was real. You could fake an expression, but you couldn't mask the message the eyes gave out.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think he is.

"Good, now hurry up, I'm hungry." As Percival reappeared and began crushing some of the berries he had found, Merlin sighed , the smile still on his face. The sting of Morgana's and Aggravaine's betrayal might take slightly longer to heal this time, but he was certain that they would get there.

After all, they were the Round Table. Bonds of friendship, trust, loyalty and honour created not through who a man was born as, but who he had chosen to become. Up against a bond like that, not a lot could stand in their way.

**Up next, Elyan and Gwaine.**


	2. Elyan and Gwaine

**Thank you so much for the support, it means a lot.**

Elyan sucked in a sharp breath, controlling his breathing as his eyes flickered open. He felt like he had run around the training grounds several times without stopping, but eventually, the young man managed to regain control over his body. Sitting up, he glanced around his vast room – something he wasn't sure he would ever get used to considering some of the places that he had lived over the years – and swung his legs out of bed. A few steps across the room enabled him to poke the fire back into life, and for a few moments, he just stared into the dancing flames. It was nice to be able to feel the warmth washing into him and chasing away the chill the dream had left. Having lived and worked with forges all of his life; Elyan was used to a fiery heat that not many could stand. The week in the dungeon had seemed like hell in comparison.

Running his hands over his arms, the knight shivered. The remnants of the dream was threatening to overwhelm him again as images flickered in his mind's eye. Would he never be rid of the torment of what had happened? His talk with Merlin had helped; being able to express his fear without worry of judgement from his fellow knights had done a lot, even if he knew full well that the servant would have only reported back to Gaius. But whilst his waking moments were calmer than they had been before, Elyan still found that his sleeping hours were plagued with memories of agonising pain, a chill that seemed to seep into his very soul, and a hunger he could never satisfy. Gwaine had needed his strength to fight and Gaius had needed it to just stay alive. The third member of their party had made sure they had always come first, hoping they wouldn't notice.

Thinking of Gwaine made Elyan sigh. His friend seemed to be coping with it all so well. Already his stories about the fights he was forced to participate in had turned into him taking on Morgana's army on his own and weakening them enough for everyone else to be able to take back Camelot. Elyan knew that Arthur had heard him, but rather than reprimanding his knight, he had just shaken his head with a fond smile and gone back to talking to Leon. In a way, Elyan knew what he was doing, he was letting Gwaine have his moment of glory rather than reminding the man he had spent the whole attack either locked in the dungeons or then unconscious. Their rescue seemed to have finally taken the ebb of Gwaine's adrenaline rush he had been living on for the last week and he had collapsed just as Leon had got him out of the cell.

That was why Elyan was worried about him. He had managed to distract himself from what Morgana had done to him by looking after his fellow prisoners, and had seen the way that Gwaine had been shaking every time he had been flung back into the cell. Deciding that he could use that same tactic now, Elyan shrugged on a shirt, automatically wrapped a belt around his waist and slipped his sword through it. A few seconds delay in order to pull on his boots, and then he was off. Maybe if he could once again use looking after Gwaine as an excuse, he would be able to banish his own demons.

But the man's chambers were empty. In fact, it was clear that although the bed was still unmade, that had been simply from where Percival had been sent to drag Gwaine out of it that morning for training. The knight hadn't even come to bed yet, and considering the room was cold with the indication that the fire hadn't been lit for some time, he hadn't been in his rooms that evening. Wondering where the man found the stamina to keep going, Elyan turned on his heel and walked down the corridor. There was only one place he knew he would have to look in to be able to find his friend.

Despite the night air being cold, Elyan didn't have long enough to feel it until he was being warmed by the hustle and bustle of the local tavern. The Rising Sun certainly hadn't lost business thanks to Morgana's attack. In fact, it seemed like the whole of the lower town were present, swapping tales about what had befallen them during the siege. Smiling in greeting as a few of them looked around – one lad looked awestruck in seeing a knight, another farmer simply waved happily as he had known Elyan since he was only as high as the man's knee. He returned their greetings, but was already moving, one loud voice telling him where he needed to go. They had training first thing in the morning, and Elyan knew that it would be him that had to put up with Gwaine's moaning and colourful curses about the king if he was hung over again. Somehow, the knight always managed to blame his headaches on Arthur rather than the amount he had drunk the night before. Elyan wasn't sure whether he was the only one that had noticed Gwaine's headaches had had a greater intensity than before the attack. Considering being jolted awake by his own nightmares, he knew why. It wasn't the drink on its own, it was that coupled with the lack of sleep.

Finally using his elbows to get through the crowd, Elyan simply rolled his eyes and grabbed the man under his elbow, dragging Gwaine to his feet regardless of the fact that he was halfway through both a tale and his mead. Gwaine protested – loudly and rather elaborately, causing Elyan to blush – but the man didn't let go until he had steered Gwaine out of the tavern and into the night air. The chill seemed to bring Gwaine back to his senses slightly and he peered blearily down at Elyan.

"What are you doing?" He asked, complete confusion in his voice. "If you wanted to come, all you had to do was ask, the more the merrier."

"Gwaine..."

"Percival normally comes. No, he just comes when we are stealing from the kitchens, you should come to that, it's fun."

"Gwaine..."

"Or when Merlin helps me hide in the armoury when I don't want to train. Oh you should hear the princess trying to find me. Did you know Merlin is actually quite a good liar?"

"Gwaine!" The sharpness in Elyan's tone finally got through to the bumbling knight and he stopped talking, swaying slightly on the spot before hiccupping. Despite telling himself that he was going to stay firm, Elyan had to smile. Even knowing that it was just the drink, it was nice to see Gwaine relaxed. The frown that seemed to grace the bridge of his nose almost permanently these days had finally disappeared. Yet at the same time, Elyan knew that was precisely the reason why Gwaine had been spending more and more time in the tavern. It was the same reason why Gaius had been forced to get Leon to drag him away from the forge before he did some damage. It was a distraction.

"You should be asleep."

"So should you." Gwaine slurred, but clearly with it more than he was letting on. He was watching Elyan closely even as he put a hand on a nearby wall in order to steady himself. Elyan looked at him for a long moment before glancing away, sighing. Merlin opening up about his fear of the snakes had made Elyan let down his defences, and even if it was only for a few moments, it had done the trick. Maybe he could do the same now?

"Nightmare." He muttered, having to force himself to meet Gwaine's eye. If he admitted that he was struggling to sleep, maybe Gwaine would as well? Elyan had learnt himself how much better one could feel when admitting the problem. Gwaine, however, just frowned. His hand moved forward and he grasped the back of Elyan's neck reassuringly, his grip firm and grounding. He didn't say anything for a moment, just held on. He eventually let go, but Elyan wasn't sure whether that was just because he was overbalancing.

"You know I'll protect you." He drawled, but the confident note Elyan was used to hearing in Gwaine's voice wasn't there. His frown had deepened and he repeated his words softly, almost as if he was trying to tell himself that. Inwardly smirking, Elyan knew that he had just hit the nail on the head in terms with what was stopping Gwaine from sleeping. He felt like he had to protect Elyan and Gaius still, as if resting would mean that Morgana's men would win.

"And who protects you?" Elyan asked softly, taking Gwaine by the shoulders and propping him up. Gwaine shrugged in an exaggerated manner, almost smacking Elyan over the head as he did so.

"I can take care of myself."

"Really?" Gwaine's face fell at Elyan's question, and he suddenly seemed incredibly sober as he pushed Elyan away, beginning to walk off. But he didn't head back to the tavern, but towards the castle. Satisfied they were at least saved from a hungover Gwaine the next morning, Elyan followed.

Neither of them said anything as their pace quickened until they were both practically running. Gwaine reached his rooms first, but his attempts to shut Elyan out were quickly thwarted as the younger man simply stuck his foot in the door. Gwaine still tried to shut it, and Elyan bit back a wince.

"I helped put the locks on these doors, Gwaine, what makes you think you can shut me out?"

"What do you want?" Elyan blinked. He didn't think he had ever heard Gwaine sound that desperate before, yet he knew the man had been in more scrapes over the years than even he had. Although he didn't get into as much trouble as Gwen seemed to like to make out. Just because she had never done anything wrong, even rising steadily through the ranks until she had become Queen... But his sister wasn't the issue here, Gwaine was. Brushing past him, Elyan sat himself down on one of the chairs by the fire, busying himself with getting it alight whilst giving Gwaine time to collect himself. Only when the heat was once more flooding him did he sigh and turn towards his friend.

"Did you know Merlin is scared of snakes?" Gwaine simply blinked, clearly not seeing where this was going. Elyan took a deep breath. "He told me. Right after he could see that I was terrified of it."

"What she did..." Gwaine began, but Elyan ignored him, staring into the flames rather than making eye contact.

"He didn't make any kind of comment over the fact that I was scared, he just said that he understood." Finally, Elyan turned around. Gwaine has just been in the process of lowering himself into the other seat but had glanced around at the same time. Their eyes locked and Elyan tried to make sure his face was honest and open.

"You don't have to protect us any more, Gwaine. It's over. I know that, even if my body betrays me at times whenever I see a loaf of bread, or a snake for that matter. But I know that it is over, meaning that I know it will get there. You have to make yourself move on."

There was silence in the room after Elyan had finished speaking, Gwaine's face clouding over. Elyan knew that his flippant attitude most of the time was just his way of covering up any insecurities, and yet his fellow knight had almost forced him to admit what was troubling him. Elyan wondered whether he had crossed the line, sparking off Gwaine's barely existent temper. But then a smile was suddenly back on his face again.

"I have moved on, mate. I'm doing my part in keeping the tavern open. So why don't you go to bed whilst I do my bit of moving on and getting things back the way they used to be?"

Elyan knew a dismissal when he heard one. Shaking his head slowly, he climbed to his feet. He had made his point, he couldn't force Gwaine to open up to him. Even Arthur wouldn't be able to do that, but considering he had seen the look in Gwaine's eyes, he did find himself wondering whether he should get the King involved. If Gwaine wasn't sleeping properly, then it was potentially a risk to them all if they were out on patrol or even were attacked. But he would cross that bridge if it became obvious that his words had done nothing.

"Goodnight, Gwaine." Elyan muttered softly, letting himself out and slowly moving back to his own room. But he wasn't sure he would be able to sleep again tonight, he had too many things on his mind. Knowing it would do more harm than good to try, Elyan just kicked off his boots, grabbed the blanket and curled up in his own chair, sparking the fire back into life.

For a long while, he just stared into the flames, his breathing quickening as he heard his own screams ringing in his ears, the words that had been torn from his lips that didn't only betray his King, but his friend as well. Gwaine might have thought that it was up to him for protect the others, but as a Knight of Camelot, Elyan should have died before giving away Arthur's position. Yet he had crumbled, and the fact that the King seemed to simply understand rather than believing he had broken his oath only made it worse. Gwaine had been forced to fight day after day, exhausted and injured, and yet hadn't seem to have broken. He might not have been coping well now, but it was true that it was his positive attitude that had kept Elyan going whilst they had been in the dungeons, it had stopped him slipping into his own mind after the torture he had gone through.

Gaius said he shouldn't try and block out what his mind wanted to show him, that suppressing it would only make it worse. So Elyan stared into the dancing flames, slowly beginning to tremble slightly as more and more of the events in Morgana's rule made themselves visible in his mind. But just as dawn beginning to break, he found that his mind was beginning to calm down. It had thrown all of his nightmares at him, and Elyan was still the one in control. He had meant what he had said to Gwaine. He knew that he wasn't there yet, but he also knew that he was moving on.

Exhausted and slightly haunted, Elyan didn't notice his door softly open or another figure slip into the room, taking the seat opposite him. It was only as Gwaine chucked his own boots behind him to join Elyan's on the floor did the knight realise that someone else was even there. They caught eyes for a moment again, and Elyan found that he didn't even feel ashamed that there were tear tracks on his cheeks. He had come out and practically admitted to Gwaine that he wasn't coping in an attempt to get the man to say the same. Why should he try and hide it now?

"Maybe protecting you does protect me." Gwaine eventually muttered, glancing away and staring into the fire. Elyan didn't say anything. Everything he had said before had been brushed off, and he knew that it was up to Gwaine to talk. He couldn't make him, he could only try and show that he would listen when the man was ready. Gwaine glanced at him, his expression clearly hoping that Elyan would admit more about he was feeling and therefore diverting the attention, but the dark-skinned knight just stayed quiet. Gwaine sighed.

"Okay, okay, you win. I see you every night. I was too slow, too weak. They take me up there, surround me, and I don't win. Yet somehow, that isn't the problem. I'm fighting for something else, not myself. I'm fighting to make sure that you and Gaius survive, yet each night, one of them gets a lucky blow in. You know, it's amazing the amount of times you can watch yourself die?" Elyan still didn't say anything even as Gwaine attempted to lighten his tone. Realising that he was going to have to carry on speaking, the unruly knight ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a long breath as he did so.

"Come on, Els, you know I'm no good at this touchy feely stuff."

"And I am?" Elyan eventually muttered, a hint of a smile tugging at his mouth as he glanced over at his friend. Gwaine raised his eyebrows in contemplation, but Elyan gestured for him to continue. Realising that now he had started, he had to continue, Gwaine started speaking again.

"As I'm watching myself die, it's knowing that it is not just me that dies. It means knowing that you and Gaius will too. And with you two gone, Gwen and Merlin come to, the people closest to them having left them. And then it spans out. Without those two, Arthur won't stand a chance, his wife and his best friend, much as he won't admit it. Leon and Percival have nothing left to fight for, yet they charge into battle and are overcome. I fail, and all of you die because of it. So maybe I am going to the tavern more than before, but it sure as hell beats watching the whole damn kingdom fall just because I wasn't quick enough with a wooden sword."

Elyan smiled gently, reaching over and gripping his friend on the arm for a moment, trying to offer him the same reassurance that Gwaine had given him earlier. He let go after a few seconds, knowing his point had been made. As Gwaine looked over at him, he grinned.

"So the whole kingdom will fall because of you? Wow, big ego or what?" Gwaine grinned, shoving Elyan lightly on the shoulder and causing the man to simply shove him back. But their joking aside, Elyan could see the look in Gwaine's eye. It was the same relief that he had felt at telling Merlin about the snakes, and knew that his friend would feel like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Gwaine hadn't been moving on before, but maybe now he was?

"So, in your big heart-to-heart and moving on regime, what happens now?"

"Sleep." Elyan said simply, dragging his hand over his eyes to try and stop them hurting so much. Even as he thought about something that would help, he had an idea. Gaius had prescribed him sleeping draughts, the last one sitting by his bed in case he needed it. But maybe there was someone that needed it more than him?

"Not happening."

"Fine then, drink." Unwrapping the blanket from around himself, Elyan climbed to his feet, a quick hand gesture indicating that he wanted Gwaine to stay where he was. Crossing the room, he picked up the pitcher of wine that had been left earlier and two cups. One glance over his shoulder showed that Gwaine was staring into the fire, lost in thought. Quickly as he could, Elyan snatched up the draught, emptied it into the goblet and poured the wine in. He poured half a measure into the other cup, wanting both to keep a clear head and be able to tell which was which.

Not that Gwaine protested, however. He took the cup with a groan of a man deprived and downed half the contents in one gulp.

"You know that is some of the finest wine in the kingdom, right?"

"Pft, as if you could afford that. We earn the same, don't forget."

"Who said I paid for it? Merlin nicked it from Arthur when he popped by earlier to help me drink it." Gwaine spluttered on his next mouthful before throwing back his head and laughing. Elyan had to smile himself, knowing it had been a while since his friend had been relaxed enough to laugh like that. Taking a sip of his own drink, his eyes sparkled as Gwaine interrupted his laugh with a yawn.

"Thought you didn't want to sleep? Looks like you need it though, you look awful."

"M'fine..." Regardless of his earlier drunkenness, Elyan knew that was not what had Gwaine slurring now. He himself knew how effective those tonics were. Elyan took another sip, and Gwaine seemed to see the look in his eyes. He glanced between Elyan's cup and his own before letting out a groan.

"That wasn't fair." He moaned, and Elyan shrugged. Setting his cup down – knowing that Gwaine had drunk enough for the drug to be effective – he stood up and took the man's own drink away. He then pulled around the blanket he had been wrapped in earlier and pulled it over his friend. Gwaine tried to protest, but his eyes were flickering as he struggled to stay awake.

"It's okay, Gwaine." Elyan whispered, knowing what had him fighting so hard. "It produces a dreamless sleep. Camelot won't fall for you tonight." The fight seemed to leave Gwaine and he immediately sagged. Elyan watched him for a few moments until he was satisfied that the man was truly asleep.

Crossing the room, he splashed some cold water on his face as the sun peeked over the horizon. With a sigh, he pulled on his boots and gave Gwaine one last look as he crossed the room and opened the door. It was time to tell Arthur they would be one short for training that morning.

But Elyan knew that if Gwaine could finally get a decent amount of rest, he too would be able to take the step forward just the way Elyan had.


	3. Gwaine and Percival

**Thank you so much once again for the amazing support with this, it means so much to me.**

Gwaine had one foot resting up on the bench in front of him, twirling his sword off to the side whilst watching the combat in front of him. Ever since they had all returned to Camelot, all of the Knights- including the King – seemed to be spending every spare minute (which, admittedly in Arthur's case, wasn't a lot) out on the training field. Gwaine didn't really see the point. He had been able to survive the fights against Morgana's men each and every time, what did he need to train for? It wasn't that he thought he was that good, it was just him being realistic. He had defeated so many of them, and yet they had kept coming. It didn't matter how good they were if they were going against a force as strong as Morgana's. She just never ran out of men to throw at them, that was where the problem was.

All in all, he had been left alone during this training session. Something he didn't think would happen considering he had missed the one before, but he just assumed that Elyan had said something about his trickery and that was making Arthur go easy on him.

"Alright?" Percival was never one to say much, but he always had a way of making his point when he spoke. He wasn't pressing, wasn't trying to work out whether Gwaine was about to crack, but was just passing a casual greeting as he came to sit down next to his fellow knight after Leon had disarmed him after five minutes of furious sparring. The knight was breathing heavily, but still had a grin on his face. Gwaine, however, had an uncharacteristic scowl on his. He hated the fact that he even had to go through the thought processes of telling himself Percival wasn't prying, so simply shrugged in response.

"Princess obviously knows I'll show him up." He muttered, his tone far from his usual voice as he tried mocking Arthur into a response. The King wouldn't have heard him this time though, he was too busy helping Elyan up. They were all good fighters, but Arthur and Leon knew how to fight as Knights. Gwaine just knew how to fight to survive, and he wondered whether Leon would have survived against the men the way he had. The man was just too damn honourable, whereas Gwaine hadn't been afraid to fight dirty.

"Gwaine." It was only by the note in Percival's voice that Gwaine realised that the man had obviously been trying to address him for some time. Blinking himself away from his thoughts regarding his fight, Gwaine raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Are you going to Gaius later?" Gwaine just looked disbelieving at Percival. He knew full well why the man was asking, but if he played dumb, maybe he could make them forget about his injuries as much as he was attempting too. After all, he knew it was not his mental state that meant Arthur was going easy on him, but the fact that unconsciousness had claimed him almost before Leon had pulled him from the cell.

"Nah, I've got Merlin, haven't I, mate?"

"Hmm?"

"Just agree."

"No, you get me in trouble." Merlin responded, a slight pout on his face even as his eyes twinkled and betrayed the fact that he knew what they were talking about. But he didn't say anything else, instead going back to watching Arthur and Elyan. Considering what the knight had admitted to him about his conversation with the servant, Gwaine wondered just who it was that Merlin was keeping an eye on. Knowing how big his heart was, Gwaine had a feeling it was both of them, and swore to himself in that moment that if Merlin was looking after them, Gwaine would make sure that someone looked after Merlin.

"Gwaine, sword." The barked order made Gwaine simply blink and turn to face Arthur.

"Don't really fancy it." He drawled, wondering how far he could push the king. Arthur had been acting strangely ever since they had got back, both trying to distance himself from what had happened and yet treating them all a little differently. If Gwaine was completely honest with himself, he would have said that Arthur was treating them with a new found respect, but that took him back to emotions. After his session with Elyan, he wasn't going there again.

"You don't have a choice, _Sir_Gwaine, pick up your sword and come and face me."

"Already got it in my hand." Gwaine shot back, indicating where he was still twirling the weapon. Considering the nightmares had struck again the night before, Gwaine really didn't fancy having to fight. But neither did he want to admit to that weakness and say it out loud. He knew full well if he told Arthur why he didn't want to fight, the King would let him off. Morgana had already made him seem weak enough, he was not going to let another Pendragon make him feel like that, even if he knew that Arthur was only looking out for him in his own unique way.

"Don't push him." A calming voice muttered in his ear, and Gwaine sighed. For someone so large, Percival was ironically gentle, always seeming to play the peacemaker between the group of young men. They could never seem to drag him into their arguments, and it didn't take much on his behalf to separate them if things escalated.

"Fine, fine. I'm only going to show you up, princess, you must know that?"

"Keep telling yourself that." There was the usual glint in Arthur's eye that meant he knew he was being challenged, and was simply rising to it. But Gwaine didn't miss the way the gaze then slipped over to Percival and he frowned, almost as if trying to work out whether the larger knight had managed to get anything out of the rogue one whilst they had been talking before. Striding into the middle of the training field, swinging his sword around expertly, Gwaine pretended that he didn't see the slight shrug Percival gave to their king in response.

He was _fine._ He just needed them to stop fussing. So maybe he had admitted a few things to Elyan that he had planned on keeping quiet, but that didn't mean they could all start treating him like he was just going to shatter into a thousand pieces every few seconds. He had kept Elyan and Gaius alive, he was stronger than the lot of them. Well, maybe not. But he was stronger than they seemed to think. Turning to face Arthur, Gwaine tried to make sure that his expression was neutral as he adjusted his grip on his sword.

"Ready?"

"Have been for days. Not everyone is as slow as you, _Sire."_ Arthur rolled his eyes, but proceeded to swing his sword at Gwaine in an expert manner. Gwaine brought his own weapon up to block the blow and the two proceeded to almost dance across the training field, well matched. They had known for some time they could keep sparring for ages without one gaining the upper hand. That had been proved to them when their chance meeting in Jarl's pit had thrown Gwaine back into the world of Camelot, Kings and treachery.

For a few moments, the fight seemed to be going as they normally did. Arthur almost got a lucky swing in, Gwaine blocked it. Gwaine carried off a flash move, Arthur simply knocked him to one side. Neither were aware of the smiles on their fellow Knights (plus Merlin)'s faces as they watched the pair. They all knew Gwaine wouldn't hold back just because Arthur was king, and it was good to see both fighting at their true potential.

But then something in the fight changed. Arthur managed to rap Gwaine's knuckles with his sword, and Gwaine had to shift to adjust his grip on his own weapon. Stumbling slightly as he did so, the knight sucked in a sharp breath, his ribs not yet having completely healed. But the sword felt lighter, less like metal and more like...wood.

"Not again..." He groaned, not hearing Arthur's confused question. It wasn't the king in the training fields he was fighting any more. The knight, whilst he might have been trying to kid himself that he was okay, was far from it. His mind began playing tricks on him, and he was no longer in the middle of a sunny training field surrounded by the people that would try and protect him. Instead, he was in the middle of the throne room, the air dark and chilly as leering men pressed in on him from all sides, all wanting a piece of a knight of Camelot. The toy weapon in his hand was leaving splinters in his palms, and he could see Morgana's smirking face through the crowd as she watched him battle for not only his life, but those of his friends as well.

"No!" Gwaine roared, suddenly attacking with all of his worth. The men wouldn't back away though, they just kept pressing in on him, not letting up. His sword was torn from his hand, so the knight instead swung out with his fists. The men surrounding him didn't vanish, yet at the same time, Gwaine could almost see shadows moving out of the corners of his eyes. He had no idea that what he was seeing was his friends _actually_ surrounding him, trying to get him to calm down. All Gwaine was seeing was the Southerners leering at him.

One swinging fist finally connected with a satisfying crunch, and Gwaine made to look up at Morgana. That was normally the end of the fight, normally his chance to return to his cell with the pathetic amount of food he had just won and know that they had a fighting chance for yet another day. But as he looked up, his vision seemed to weave slightly, and before he knew what was happening, he was on his knees. Initially, there were hands holding him down, but then they vanished just as swiftly. Instead, one hand rested on the back of his neck. It was a strong and firm grip, enough to keep him down. Yet at the same time, it had a gentleness to it, something reassuring and grounding rather than the strangling hold many of the men had held him in whilst their friends beat him whilst he was held down. Not only was the grip calmer, but there was no abuse being hurled at him now that he was down. There was only one person he knew that would be able to hold him down with just one hand... and that person was not a Southerner.

Pressing his palms against the floor, Gwaine blinked with a gasp as he realised that he wasn't feeling stone as he rocked himself onto all fours. It wasn't the biting coldness sinking into him, but the soft feeling of grass. He could suddenly feel the sun again, seeping into him and warming him through, taking him out of his own mind, away from the throne room. But it was then he remembered the crunch and the stinging of his knuckles from where he had connected with something. Craning his head up as much as the hand would allow, Gwaine swallowed hard.

Leon was standing in front of him, one hand pinching his bleeding nose whilst his other kept Arthur back. It was clear that he had forced his way inbetween the king and his knight when Gwaine started fighting a different battle. In turn, Arthur was trying to push past his second-in-command, but had one arm looped around Merlin's chest, keeping his servant back at the same time. Elyan was off to one side, a deep sorrow in his eyes that seemed to imply that he knew precisely what had just happened to Gwaine, meaning it had to be Percival holding him down. One glance revealed the knight kneeling beside him, offering Gwaine a gentle smile when he saw the man's eyes focus.

"You back with us?" He muttered softly, but making sure that everyone heard the question. As Gwaine tentatively nodded, the grip on his neck lessened, although didn't disappear completely.

"Leon, get to Gaius. Take Merlin with you."

"I'm not..." The servant's heated response was cut off as Arthur pulled him backwards, turning so that he could address his friend. Gwaine watched Merlin glance towards him, his face falling, but he softly nodded at whatever Arthur had just said. Leon took a few steps towards them, Merlin offered him a small smile and the two fell into step with each other as they made their way into the castle. Arthur made to step forward, but Percival stopped him.

"You know what, Sire, I think I've got this one. No Leon to stop him now if Gwaine still wants to... you know..."

"Punch him in the face? Often and always." Gwaine muttered, not making any move to get up off the floor but glancing up at his king. Arthur smiled down at him, clearly having some understanding of what had just happened even if it had occurred far faster than he could comprehend. The King moved forward, and for a split second, rested his hand on Gwaine's head. For once, the knight could make no comment on it, even as Arthur pulled away and took Elyan by the arm, leading him off and allowing the two some privacy. Gwaine knew that there was nothing patronising or condescending in the gesture at all. It was Arthur's way of saying he understood, and that he was there if Gwaine needed him rather than blaming him for the fact that he just effectively attacked the King of Camelot. Percival still didn't move his hand until the two had disappeared.

"You can let me up now, you know." Gwaine muttered, pulling away slightly but not wanting to move too far. It wasn't that he thought Percival would stop him, it was more that he didn't want to send himself back into his own mind by thinking that he was being restrained.

"Can I?" Percival asked gently, and Gwaine nodded. The man moved fluidly, rising to his feet and helping the other knight up almost before Gwaine realised the pressure had disappeared from his neck. Percival led him back over to where they had been sitting before and pushed Gwaine down onto a log they often used as a seat.

"You were back there, weren't you?" Gwaine merely shrugged, not wanting Percival to think that he was going mad by suddenly finding himself back in the fight for his life. He knew they were practically going to drag him to Gaius after this, and that the old man had a way of getting answers out of people. No doubt he would have to be saying all of this then, so why on earth should he have to go through it now as well? Talking about how he was feeling had never been Gwaine's strong point, even if he knew that people were just trying to help him.

"It happened to me, you know." Percival continued in a conversational manner, not seeming to be put off by the fact that Gwaine hadn't answered. Unable to stop himself, Gwaine glanced over at his friend, the curiosity burning in his eyes even despite the fact that he didn't particularly want to be talking about this.

"The first time we had to take Camelot back from that witch? It wasn't the men there that I was seeing specifically. I know they were all Cenred's men before he was killed, but... I don't know how to explain it. It was like I wasn't fighting the ones that she had sent to stop us, but the ones that he had sent to destroy my home. I was back there, watching my village burn and being able to do nothing. Only this time, I could take it out on them."

Gwaine didn't know what to say. Just as he couldn't express his own emotions, he had never been good at comforting others. Lancelot had told him that Percival had lost everything to Cenred, it was why he had come to join their fight. But there was something in the man's expression as he spoke that made Gwaine wonder whether he had ever told anyone else that. It was not something anyone would want their king to know – that they were fighting a completely different battle whilst struggling to protect him. But Percival wasn't done yet.

"It didn't help." He continued bluntly, finally looking Gwaine directly in the eye. "I thought that if I killed them all here, I would lose some of the anger over what they did there. If anything, it just made me worse, I wanted so much more. Arthur realised what was happening and took me aside after training one day, he said it was common for those who had been through a lot for their minds to play tricks on them."

"I haven't been through a lot, just a friendly sparring session between enemies."

"Gwaine, I know. We all know what you went through, you made it two steps before you went and fainted on us. I know you are reliving those fights, determined that you will find a way of winning once and for all, but it won't help. All you are doing is hurting yourself."

"And Leon." But even despite his desire to always have the last word, Gwaine's voice was softening. He didn't want to be talking about this, but even he couldn't deny that Percival had a point. He had gone mental on a dummy a few days before, yet that trapped anger was still burning brightly. It didn't matter how many times he struck down the men in his mind, there were always more of them rising up and taunting him.

"It's one thing fighting them in your mind, it's another thing when that turns you against us. You were screaming and cursing at us when we tried to stop you. Leon will be lucky if you didn't break his nose, Arthur was worried you were going to seriously hurt Merlin if he got too close. We can't have you around the training field like that."

Gwaine stayed silent, the roof of his mouth going dry. He needed the training field as much as he needed the tavern, he needed some sort of outlet. It wasn't only the nightmares that had been plaguing him, but the sheer frustration over the fact that he could do nothing to help his friends. So what if he managed to win a few measly crusts of bread, Gaius could have still almost died, Elyan was still tortured. He had failed them, and swinging his sword was the only outlet he had for that.

"So what do I do?" He eventually asked softly, his voice so quiet that it didn't sound like him. Percival offered down his hand and pulled him up.

"You go and see Gaius. Don't protest. He helped me, Gwaine. He gave me ways of working through the anger, of stopping myself being lost to my own mind every time I tried to fight someone. If you carry on like this, you'll kill us all."

"I'm that good, am I?" Percival grinned at the slight smirk on Gwaine's face, glad to see a shadow of his friend back, even if the haunted look in his eye still lingered.

"You know you are. Who else would have fought for a week and won every time?" He said gently, determined that Gwaine was going to feel at least a little better about himself. The man, however, shrugged. For someone so arrogant, he wasn't used to accepting praise.

"So... Gaius right?"

"Gaius. And if you are lucky, you can apologise to Leon." Gwaine pulled a face at what he thought about apologising and Percival laughed, beginning to walk away. Knowing that he didn't have a choice, Gwaine followed his friend into the castle and up to the physician's chambers. The closer he got, the more his heart was weighing him down. He had been deliberately avoiding Gaius since their release, not wanting to see how haggard the old man looked because the knight hadn't been able to win enough food.

Percival left him at the top of the stairs, but Gwaine had a feeling that he wouldn't have gone far, just in case Gwaine decided to make a run for it. But even as he drew his hand back from the door, not having the courage to push it open, it swung open anyway.

Leon blinked in surprise at seeing Gwaine standing there, black eyes already beginning to show from where the other knight had punched him. Gwaine dropped his gaze, shifting uncomfortably. He wasn't good with apologies...

But to his surprise, he didn't have to say anything. Leon's hand came to rest on his shoulder, giving him a soft nudge. Gwaine thought the man would at least look angry, but there was nothing but compassion and understanding in his eyes.

"Time to get you back to yourself, friend." He said softly, pushing him gently towards the door and shutting it behind him. Merlin wasn't in there, and Gwaine felt a bout of nerves when he realised that it was just him and Gaius.

"Ah, Gwaine. I wondered how long it would be before you ended up here. Longer than I thought, I must admit, you have a strong mind." Wondering if that was supposed to be a compliment, Gwaine took a couple of steps further in. Gaius smiled over at him in such a fatherly and reassuring way that the Knight almost felt his knees buckle as he sat down on the stool. The physician didn't blame him!

Suddenly, even before Gaius had said anything else, Gwaine had a feeling that he was going to be okay.


	4. Percival and Leon

**Thank you so much for all of the lovely reviews, I can't tell you what it means to me to know that people are enjoying this story so much. It was actually a lot harder than I thought to write - getting Percival and Leon to talk is hard work!**

Percival rested his elbows on the stonework and gazed out across Camelot. He was up on one of the highest turrets he could find, determined to find the solitude that he was craving in order to process what was going through his mind. All the usual hiding spots seemed to be taken by his friends. Elyan was in the armoury trying to avoid Merlin, Merlin was in the library trying to avoid Arthur – although the largest of the knights was sure it wasn't the king he was really hiding from, but Gwaine. It had been a couple of days since the man's collapse, and although Gwaine was slowly losing the haunted look in his eye, he was by no means okay yet. Gaius had forbidden him from training for a week or so, determined to give him time in order to let his body recover physically from what it had been put through during his time as Morgana's prisoner. They all knew that once he could hold a sword without trembling (Arthur was still kicking himself for not noticing before), his mental recovery would be well on the way. But somehow, Gwaine seemed to have taken it upon himself to be Merlin's shadow, and Percival knew that the servant had had enough.

It was funny now he was thinking about it. None of them wanted to admit that they were struggling to deal with what happened this time, yet all were determined to see the anguish in the others' faces, to use them as an excuse. It put off thinking about what their own personal situation was in order to be able to help a friend. Percival was a practical man, he knew that their bonds of friendship were going to be what got them through this at the end of the day, but he also knew that they were going to be lucky not to kill themselves in the process of pretending nothing was wrong.

He was no exception to the rule, it was why he was up here in the first place when dawn was only just beginning to break. He knew the others were suffering from nightmares over what had happened to them, but he had somehow managed to escape that. Possibly because nothing truly had happened to him, not in the same way as it had the others. He hadn't been tortured, either physically or mentally. He hadn't been forced to run in the way Arthur and Merlin had. If he was honest, Percival wasn't completely sure what had happened to him. He knew that he had been with the king, his servant and Elyan as they had fled. He knew that Morgana had been coming after them, the traitor Aggravaine at her side.

But after that... if he was honest, Percival wasn't quite sure. He was sure that the witch must have cast some sort of magic on them, for the next thing he knew, he had been flying through the air. He supposed he must have hit his head on something, for when he next became aware of his surroundings, dawn was just beginning to break, and he was alone. Somehow, he had fallen to one side, the verge giving way to a gentle slope and he had been sent rolling down it. He didn't realise in that moment the tumble might have saved his life, for it meant that Morgana and her men didn't so much as see a glimpse of the largest knight. But by the time he had climbed out, one hand pressed tenderly to the wound on his head, Percival knew that any chances of him reuniting himself with the king were long gone. If he was lucky, it was because the others had managed to get away. If he wasn't so lucky...No, Percival couldn't afford to think like that. Merlin would keep Arthur safe, he always did.

Taking a deep breath, the knight let his fingers dig into the rough stonework, trying to calm himself. It took a lot to work Percival to anger, but Morgana was one of the few things that did. Thinking back to what he had said to Gwaine, Percival forced himself to stay calm. For all of his size and strength, he had been helpless to do anything to aid the falling city. But it wasn't the first time he had been forced to watch those he cared about suffer and die at the hands of his enemies whilst he could do nothing. Last time, Lancelot had arrived just in time to stop him doing anything foolish, but Percival had sworn on that day that nothing would make him feel as helpless as he had then.

Yet Morgana had managed it. She had reduced the knight to stumbling around the woods in a daze, exhausted and with his vision weaving whilst he tried to find some trace of where the others had gone. He had clearly been out for hours, yet found himself desperately hoping that someone was almost going to spring out of a bush and tell him what he could do to help.

In a way, that was almost what Leon had done. Except for rather than springing out of a bush, he had approached with his sword drawn and a fighting spirit in his eyes that Percival could only reflect. He had seen the knight stumbling around, lowered hte sword looking astonished, and then rushed to help as Percival had weaved unpleasantly on the spot. Some food and a compress for his head later, and the an was feeling a lot better, but it still didn't shake the feeling that he had been utterly helpless to stop whatever had happened to Arthur. Morgana could have dragged him back in chains, or killed him out here in the forest, all whilst Percival was lying unconscious at the bottom of a slope. It had been a blessing that there was so much to do in order to try and keep the townspeople safe, for Percival wasn't sure whether even his superior knight would have been able to stop him doing something foolish this time, like trying to take back the castle on his own. He could fight, he had weapons, chainmail, friends and knowledge of the surrounding area. But just like before, he had been unable to do anything whilst his friends and those he now considered to be his family suffered.

Of course, it didn't help on their return at finding just how much Elyan and Gwaine were struggling, something that was only revealed as time went on. Percival had felt alright when they had taken Camelot back and had slept well that night. But now... now he was being troubled more than he anticipated, the scene with Gwaine not exactly helping matters. What was the point of being a knight when all he did was stand on the sidelines and watch his friends get hurt whilst he could do nothing about it?

Luckily, the sound of footsteps drew Percival from his musings before he could go too far, and the man glanced over his shoulder in order to see Leon appearing from a doorway. Glancing back out across the landscape, Percival tried to dismiss the man simply by not acknowledging his presence, instead noting the way the sun was now high in the sky. It wasn't that he had anything against the knight – he was a good man and proven himself to be a true friend – but he was the one who had witnessed Percival at his most helpless. Leon had immediately taken charge in the siege, leading the townspeople to safety and then making sure they stayed that way. When Percival had appeared, he had simply issued orders to his fellow knight, and Percival had dutifully carried them out as normal. Once again, he had to rely on others taking the lead in order to be any use to anyone. So whilst Elyan was hiding from Merlin and Merlin was hiding from Gwaine, Percival had to admit that he had been hoping to hide from Leon. Unfortunately, he had failed.

"There you are. You know, I swear I've been scouring this castle since dawn for you?"

Percival was barely able to hide his smile as Leon came to stand next to him, mirroring his position and staring out over the kingdom. Maybe he had been hiding better than he had thought? He didn't say anything, but knew that Leon wouldn't mind. Percival had never been the most vocal of the knights, preparing to listen and offer his words when he knew they would be heeded rather than just saying something for the sake of hearing his own voice. He had been like it his whole life, making him something of an outsider when he was a child because of his size.

"What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking." Percival muttered noncommittally, not wanting the man to know that he was thinking about how much he had failed Arthur. He had barely even made it to the woods when he had been separated from them. Maybe if he hadn't fallen down that slope, if they had been made to face him first, Elyan would have been spared all that he had gone through?

"Uh oh..." Leon muttered, turning sideways so that he was looking at Percival's profile. The man knew that he must be showing what he was thinking in his body language, he could feel the tension in his shoulders, the way one arm hung stiffly down his side whilst the other rested against the stonework. But his fingers were digging in hard, the tension more than obvious. Percival could feel Leon's eyes on him, knew that he was about to be subjected to a load of questions about how he was feeling that he wouldn't be sure how to answer.

Therefore it came as something of a surprise when no words came. Instead, Leon's hand moved until he had picked up Percival's. The knight just gaped at his friend, wondering what the man was doing as Leon slowly began working his fingers. He uncurled one, bending it back and forth a few times before letting it fall and repeating the process with the next. Once he had done that, he then set to work on rotating Percival's wrist, forcing him to relax despite himself.

"If you stay this tense, you're going to strain something the next time you hold your sword." He said quietly, not meeting Percival's eye as he forced the man to rotate his shoulder. Leon's hand was pressing into the back of his shoulder blade, and Percival grunted as something suddenly clicked, but he felt his arm feel a lot lighter than before. Leon finally withdrew his hand.

"Just as I thought, the beginning of a trapped nerve. A knight should always make sure his arm is ready and useable, for what good is a sword without a hand to hold it?"

Percival didn't respond, just glared in the opposite direction. Was that just another thing that he was no good at then? He couldn't even be a knight properly?

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Considering you are the one who forced Gwaine of all people to open up, I would have thought that you would have taken your own advice." There was nothing accusing in Leon's voice in the slightest, merely concern, but Percival glared in the opposite direction. Even so, he consciously made the point of easing the tension out of his other hand. There was something so relaxing about having the nerves released that Percival was worried he would just break down there and then if Leon set to work on the other hand. He still couldn't bring himself to say what was really going on in his mind though, but his eyes had softened as he stared out across the kingdom.

"It's nothing." He eventually muttered quietly. Compared to what the others were going through, what was feeling a little helpless compared to being tortured or locked up for a week with having to just hope that there was a rescue coming? Leon, apparently was as good at reading in between the lines as he was about teaching them how to be knights.

"You know you are talking to the man that had to oversee our king's training when he was fifteen and determined to prove himself to his father?" There was a quiet note in Leon's voice that made Percival finally make eye contact. There had been something about the way that Leon had said that which made Percival listen. He had a feeling that not only could that side of Arthur not have been easy to deal with (he was bad enough _now)_, but that Leon had rarely spoken of it.

"So..?" Percival prompted. He wasn't trying to sound rude or anything like that, but for the life of him he couldn't work out why Leon had just told him that.

"So I heard the word "nothing" as an answer to almost everything I asked. And if there was one thing I learnt, it was that nothing meant something. Meaning there is something on your mind, something that for some reason, you don't want to tell me. Am I right?"

Percival made to shrug, but then caught himself with a grin. No doubt Leon would have learnt that meant "yes" as well.

"Maybe." He opted for saying, not really wanting to talk about it, but slowly getting the feeling that he wasn't going to have a choice in the matter. After all, he hadn't exactly given Gwaine the choice, and yet it had been precisely what the man had needed. Was it what he needed as well? How could he need the same thing as someone who had truly suffered at the witch's hands rather than skulking about in the woods and not being much use to anyone?

"Percival." There was the merest hint of a warning in Leon's voice, a sign that Percival had come to recognise. It normally made itself apparent when Leon was dealing with Gwaine, but it meant that he was about to pull rank. Not through any desire to remind his friends of who was the one with the most authority, but because he cared enough to order them to tell him what was wrong in order for him to then fix it. Although this time, Percival wasn't sure whether there was anything there to fix, or whether it was all just in his head.

"It's nothing." He repeated stubbornly, glancing at Leon out of the corner of his eye and knowing in one look the man didn't believe him. "Okay, so it's not, but I can handle it."

"That's why you are hiding at the top of the castle alone then?"

"Leave it, Leon."

"No, tell me what is wrong? You did well out there, not that many would have survived if it wasn't your knowledge of the woods and what things were edible or not. I've never met anyone with that amount of knowledge – Gaius doesn't count -, you saved lives out there."

Somehow, hearing that his fellow knight was thinking the exact opposite to him about his actions did nothing to improve Percival's temper.

"So I collected a few herbs whilst everyone else was in the fight for their lives. Elyan and Gwaine were trying to keep each other and Gaius alive. Merlin was trying to keep Arthur alive, who was attempting to think of a way of taking Camelot back. You were the one to lead the people out here, you were the one to organise the whole camp whereas I... I..."

"Yes?"

"I did nothing! I got myself knocked out with one simple spell and would still probably be wandering around in the woods if it wasn't for you finding me!"

"I knew it wasn't nothing." Leon said softly, the smallest of smiles playing across his face. Percival just gaped at him for a moment, but then realised what the man had meant. It had only taken one small prompt on Leon's behalf before the largest knight had spilled all that had been troubling him, regardless of the fact that he had been going to adamantly refuse to do such a thing.

"Forget I said anything?" He muttered, a blush working its way over his cheeks. He felt like such a child, complaining that it wasn't fair he didn't get to save as many lives as everyone else. If this had been the first time, he would have been embarrassed. But Percival was fed up of being on the sidelines whilst watching everyone he cared about suffer and die yet there being nothing he could do. What was the point of being a knight if he still couldn't protect those that meant something to him?

"No chance." Leon retorted, the look on his face indicating that Percival was foolish to even think such a thing. "Why do you think that we don't care how you are feeling? You're the one to get through to Gwaine, you are the one who made him calm down. He needed you. Why is it that you decided you didn't need us in the same way."

"Nothing happened to me!"

"It most certainly did!" Whilst it might have been rare for Percival to sound angry, it was even rarer for the chief knight to lose his temper. Percival wondered whether that was something to do with what he had mentioned before about having to help train their king as a teenager. But he had just raised his voice a fraction that Percival knew meant he was in trouble. Yet he had to smile. He was in trouble for not taking care of himself, for not going to his friends, and Leon was furious about it. How many people could get a telling off for not breaking down?

"You were driven from your home, isolated and wounded..." Percival found himself freezing, not actually being sure what time Leon was talking about. After all, those exact circumstances were how he had come to meet Lancelot and through him, the rest of the men he now considered to be family. He didn't even hear the rest of what Leon was saying, instead only noticing the roaring in his ears as he tried to block out memories he didn't particularly want to relive again.

"...you think you were the only one who felt like they did nothing?"

"I _was_ the only one! You saved those people, Leon, you got them out of Camelot. How can you tell me that I actually made a difference?"

"Stop it!" Leon snapped, and this time, Percival obeyed the order. "You went through the same as everyone else. Maybe you aren't jumping at shadows the way Elyan is, or maybe you aren't fighting men in your mind the way Gwaine is. But you still suffered in her attack, and you by no means have the right to pretend that this hasn't affected you!"

Percival turned his gaze back out over the kingdom, a flush working up his neck. Was Leon right? If he was honest, Percival had no idea. But he had never truly opened up about what he had witnessed before coming to Camelot, and the attack had opened old wounds. He couldn't bring himself to meet Leon's eyes, and as his hands came to rest back on the stone, he felt Leon's eyes on them. They were no clenching in the way they were before, but they were trembling slightly.

"Talk to me, Percival, what is it that is troubling you?"

"Honestly?" Percival muttered, feeling the flush begin to cover his cheeks a little. "I don't know. I just feel like I should have done something more to protect them. I shouldn't have let Gwaine stay behind on his own. I shouldn't have been knocked out by that fall! I shouldn't have let them take Elyan, I should have done something to stop Aggravaine from following them, I should...are you laughing at me?" Stunned, Percival broke off to find Leon's shoulders shaking. The man made to shake his head, then nodded.

"One, that is the most I've ever heard you say in one go. And two, you are the sixth person to say that to me. Merlin, Elyan, Gwaine and even Arthur have all said the same thing. You are by no means responsible for anything that happened. Fate dealt us its hand, we lost a round. We won the game though, didn't we?" Leon squeezed Percival's shoulder, offering him a reassuring smile before turning away. He didn't go anywhere though, but just rested his hands against the stone and turned his gaze out towards the kingdom.

"We got her back, that's all that matters. You played your part in that, Sir Percival, and don't you ever forget it. Without you, Camelot still might be lost."

Percival didn't answer verbally, he just softly nodded, a small smile on his face. He wasn't sure how much he believed Leon, but he did know that it had helped. Something had been lifted from him, and he realised that it was him finally accepting that he wasn't alone in this. It didn't matter that they all might have gone through different things. At the end of the day, they had still all gone through it. Thinking back on what Leon said beforehand, Percival frowned.

"Who was the sixth?"

"Hmm?"

"You said six people had said it. You listed four, and me makes five. Who was the last?"

Leon didn't answer, just raised an eyebrow slightly, and Percival found his own hand coming to rest on the man's shoulder.

"You're right. We did all we could." It had started off as him trying to reassure Leon in the way the man had done for him, but Percival found that he believed his own words for the first time in weeks. They had done all they could, and no one would have expected him to do more.

He just had to come to terms with that.


	5. Leon and Arthur

**Thank you so much once again for the amazing support once again. Special thanks to those whom I cannot respond directly too!**

The sun was warming the back of his neck as Leon sat off to one side on the training grounds. The knight - apart from the Round Table - were being put through their paces by the old weapons master, Cadoc. As second in command, Leon thought it was his duty to keep an eye on things. After all, he needed to know who had which weakness and so on if he had any chance of defending the kingdom. Watching them critically, he had just spotted the way their newest recruit wasn't moving his feet enough and opened his mouth to say something when Cadoc beat him to it and yelled at the poor boy. Leon had to wince sympathetically. Cadoc had trained him, trained _Uther_ in fact. Yet he had seemed just as old all those years ago as he did now.

The Round Table were a different story though. No one could deny the knights Leon were watching now were loyal, and Leon had watched them follow him into the forest without so much as blinking. Yet they didn't have the same bonds of friendship as the Round Table. Arthur could train with the Round Table because they were as much his friend as his men and therefore wouldn't hold back. The King had made it quite apparent that he had to keep on top of his game and had no chance of doing that unless his men attacked him properly. The knights in front of him right now, however, wouldn't do that even if ordered to. They kept the line between their stations strictly, and Leon had to shudder when he realised he had nearly been one of them. If Gwen hadn't helped him to escape the last time Morgana had attacked, if he hadn't seen firsthand what the "commoners" were capable of, he too might have never overstepped his boundaries. Looking back on it now, he knew it was the best decision he ever could have made. Not only were they fair fighters (if in slight need of instruction regarding the difference between how a knight fights and tavern brawl), they were all fiercely loyal. Not to Camelot, but to Arthur. They would follow him to the ends of the earth and back, and up until now, Leon hadn't seen that in his fellow comrades.

Sighing, the knight had a small smile on his face as he watched the young man seem to cower under Cadoc's annoyance and shook his head fondly. He wasn't needed here, he knew that any major problems would be reported. Yet he knew why he had come out here in the first place. Elyan had the forge and Gwaine had taken to helping Gaius more and more now they seem to have come to some sort of understanding. Merlin was no doubt running chores for Arthur, who would be attempting to slip away from his duties to spend time with his new wife. Percival would most likely be down in the lower town, either helping Elyan or helping to rebuild. They all had something that could distract them from their thoughts, yet all Leon knew was how to be a knight. He had seen the master shoot him a withering look when he had arrived, knew the man thought that he was wasting his time by even being here.

If he was honest, Leon knew he was. It was such a lovely day, there must be something he could do other than sit where he was not needed. He knew the younger knights felt the pressure of him watching in the same way they did when the King was present, for a word from Leon could send their dreams spiralling either way. He knew that it wasn't fair on them, and eventually climbed to his feet. Nodding to the group, he began to make his way down the path and out of the city. Maybe leaving for a short space of time would clear his mind? After all, he might have spent hours trying to make sure that his men were okay, but that didn't mean the nightmares were any less for him than they were the others.

Leon wasn't sure whether he should be worried by how easily it was to simply walk out of the main gates. The guards hadn't challenged him either because they recognised him or they weren't doing their job properly. Determined not to think about it until he discovered how easy it was to walk back in again, Leon began to make his way down towards the river. It had been months since he had last been down there, even longer since it had been a destination he visited on a regular occurrence. It had once been the spot he had used to get Arthur away from the castle when the young prince's studies were becoming too much to him, and held sentimental value to both of them. If Morgana's men had damaged the area in any way, Leon wasn't quite sure how he would react. Up until now, he knew that he had been dealing with what had happened, it wasn't his place to fall apart when the men and his king needed him to be strong. Yet if the tranquillity the river offered him had been tainted in any shape or form, he knew that it would be one step too far.

Thankfully, everything seemed to be just the way he remembered it. Breathing in deeply, the knight smiled. Without thinking what he was doing, he had unclasped his cloak and set it on the ground. He was more than used to pulling his armour of himself, never having quiet felt comfortable at having a servant the way some of the other nobles had, and before long was just in his shirt. The cool breeze blowing off from the water helped the shirt to peel itself away from his skin, and it was nice to just be able to roll his shoulders and feel light and free. One of the reasons that he loved this place was that very few people knew about it. Sitting down on his cloak, Leon half laid down whilst he began fiddling with parts of his armour. One of the buckles had been sticking lately, yet it didn't take much effort for his nimble fingers to loosen it up again. He knew that Elyan and Merlin somehow looked after everyone's armour, yet Leon like to be able to do his himself. It didn't seem right expecting others to look after something that belonged to him.

"I thought I would find you here." Leon jumped, attempting to climb to his feet as his king came into view. Arthur quickly shrugged off his own cloak and sat down next to his knight, moving as swiftly as possible to stop Leon from getting to his feet.

"Sire!" The man exclaimed in surprise, not being sure how he should feel. He almost felt like he had been caught out doing something he shouldn't. After all, he had started the day examining the other knights, maybe Arthur thought that was what he should be doing still..?

"You've never called me that whilst we are here before, so please don't start now." Arthur muttered, stretching out and linking his fingers behind his head as he gazed up at the sky. Leon stayed where he was, half sitting and half lying down for a long moment before it was clear that Arthur wasn't expecting anything of him. Finally relaxing again, he took up his lounging position once more, twirling a piece of grass in his fingers as something to do. He might have brought the prince here on many occasions, but never had he been here with his king.

"Were you after anything, Si-Arthur?"

"You." Arthur responded bluntly, twisting his head to once side in order to grin at the man by his side. Part of him missed the days when it had just been him and Leon sneaking off, but he wouldn't change anything that had happened for the world. He knew what it was truly like to have friends now, to be loved for himself rather than just his title. Leon blinked, finally looking like he was accepting that he had done nothing wrong by getting away from the castle for a while.

"Why?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"What about?" Leon couldn't help himself from sounding suspicious. He knew full well that the days when he had been on the top of Arthur's list of people to talk to were long gone. Not that he minded, it was good to know that he had a true friend in his servant and had the type of relationship with Gwen that they could discuss anything. He wouldn't have it any other way, yet that only led him to be confused about why Arthur was seeking him out. It appeared whatever it was that the king wanted to talk about had been building up for a while. Why else would he wait until he knew that he could get Leon on his own?

"I wanted to thank you."

It wasn't often that Leon could be rendered completely speechless, but this was one of those rare occasions.

"Why?" Arthur rested his head at an angle and smiled.

"You kept my people safe when I could not. You got the lower town out, it's thanks to you and you alone that it is still inhabited now. I know that people were lost, and the damage is going to take forever to try and repair. But it can be repaired, because the people are still alive to do so. A Kingdom is not just the land or the buildings, but the people. Most importantly, the people. Therefore it is thanks to you, Sir Leon, that I had a kingdom there to reclaim."

Leon had a small smile on his face as he listened to his king. Uther's death might have come as a shock to all, but no one could deny that Arthur hadn't been ready to take the throne. Speaking this way, knowing what people needed to hear in order to keep trusting him seemed to be something of a natural talent. He had always done it, been able to wrap the knights around his little finger when he was no higher than their knee. But it was on occasions like this when Leon realised the little boy that used to follow him and a couple of the other young knights around had truly grown up. He had really become their king, in every sense of the word.

"You would have done it if you could." Leon muttered, glancing away. Whilst Arthur's speech had been very impressive – making the knight wonder whether he had been planning it for a while or whether it had just come to him on the spur of the moment – Leon didn't believe a word. He couldn't hold the defences, meaning that because of him, the citadel had fallen. He didn't have the excuse that their foes simply wouldn't die this time around, unlike before. He should have done more to not only get everyone out, but keep the defences in place. He had retreated too soon, given up to easily rather than die for the kingdom that he had sworn to protect. Some of his thoughts must have shown on his face as Arthur suddenly chuckled, punching him lightly in the arm

"A Knight once told me that sometimes, the best solution to a problem was to take a step back. To see the full picture. I think his exact words were _`retreat to fight another battle and win, or stand your ground and lose`_. Admittedly I think you were just trying to stop me from eating the last piece of pie at the time, but that's not the point."

Leon chuckled, remembering his own words from all those years ago. It didn't stop him from thinking the exact same thoughts as before though. If he had managed to hold back the attack for even a little longer, his friends might have got away. They wouldn't be suffering the way they were now, because they would have been able to put enough distance between themselves and the castle in order to not get caught.

"Stop it. As your king, I'm ordering you to stop being an idiot."

"Can you do that?" Finally relaxed enough to not think of Arthur as his commander, but as his friend, Leon glanced quizzically at him. Arthur smirked.

"Apparently not, it still hasn't worked on Merlin."

"He's a good man." Leon muttered softly, his eyes returning to the grass. From what he had pieced together so far, the servant was the reason why Arthur was alive. It should have been him, he had been the one to take the oath when Arthur had been nothing more than an infant to always protect and serve the royal.

"Stop it!" Arthur's voice was raising this time, and Leon knew that he had to do something about how expressive his face was. The young man lying next to him could read every single thought that was flickering through his mind.

"The citadel has fallen twice. Both times I was on the front line, sworn to protect Camelot. Both times I walked away with my life whilst she fell. What kind of Knight does that make me?"

"One that knows how to choose his battles. So she might have fallen, but each time she has been rebuilt. One army was already dead and the other one were given access by a traitor in the court. That's not your fault, you did everything you could. I wouldn't have got her back if it wasn't for you, so stop being so stupid."

"You know that you still sound ten when you say it like that?" Leon was hoping that if he could distract Arthur, the king would stop pushing the matter. Unfortunately, the king saw straight through him and jumped to his feet.

"Up." He practically barked. His tone of voice suggested that it was an order Leon had better follow, so with a frown on his face, Leon slowly stood.

"You are coming with me." Arthur snapped, grabbing onto the man's arm and beginning to drag him back towards the castle. Leon tried to protest, knowing that Arthur was just going to leave both of their cloaks and Leon's armour sitting by the river. He didn't get so much as a word out before the monarch's look had him snapping his mouth shut again. They both knew that no one ever went there apart from them.

Leon didn't even dare ask where they were going as Arthur dragged him along. He was conscious of the eyes on them as they moved past the training grounds, and knew by the end of the day, rumours would be spreading about what was going on between him and the king. He had a feeling that a few of them would imply that the head knight was in big trouble with the king if the thunderous expression on Arthur's face was anything to go by. In a way, Leon knew that he was in trouble, his refusal to accept that he had done all he could was clearly annoying Arthur. But Leon couldn't help it, it was how he felt.

Arthur dragged him past the gawping knights, his glare causing one of them to drop his sword in surprise that the King was actually looking directly at him and around the side of the castle. Leon could honestly say that he wasn't sure what Arthur was playing at as they walked past all of the usual spots they would find their friends in and walked straight into the lower town.

"There." Arthur suddenly stated, pushing Leon in front of him and pinning him to the spot by the weight of his stare alone. "What do you see?"

"Sire?"

"Answer the question." Leon let his eyes flicker from side to side, trying to work out if this was some sort of trick or not. Eventually he sighed.

"Houses. Gardens, Elyan's forge."

"And?"

"And... Gwaine's favourite tavern?"

"What else, Leon? Tell me precisely what you see." Leon swallowed hard, finally realising what Arthur wanted him to say.

"Sire..."

"Tell me what you see." Arthur repeated stubbornly, a clear sign that he wasn't going to back down on this. Sighing, Leon felt his shoulders sag in defeat.

"People going about their everyday lives. Arthur..."

"Exactly. Something that is only possibly because you-," the king had come to stand in front of his knight and jabbed Leon angrily in the chest to illustrate his words, "-saved their lives. This is all here because of your quick thinking. If a knight's job is to protect the kingdom and the kingdom is formed by her people, then you did exactly what you had sworn to do. Stop thinking that you failed, because without you, this would all be gone. We wouldn't have been given the time to get out at all, we wouldn't have had the man power in order to take her back."

Despite the fact that Arthur was keeping his voice at a low hiss, Leon was aware that people were beginning to glance at them curiously. Dressed in just casual clothes, no armour and no cloaks in order to set them apart from the rest of the people, it wasn't overly apparent that the King of Camelot and his head knight were standing in the middle of the lower town. One woman was watching them closely, however, her young daughter clinging to her hand. To Leon's discomfort, it wasn't Arthur she was frowning at, but Leon. Suddenly, she gasped.

"It's him! Everyone look, it's that brave knight who saved our lives!" People seemed to appear from all over the place, and Arthur grinned, sidling back a few steps in order to create some room around Leon.

"I'll be with Elyan when you are ready to escort your king back." He muttered teasingly, vanishing down a side street before Leon could even open his mouth. The knight made to take a step after his disappearing king, but a small hand tugged on his leg. Glancing down, Leon saw the woman's daughter – a girl no older than five at the most – looking up at him with wide eyes. As he looked down, her free hand thrust out to reveal that she was clutching rather tightly a couple of flowers.

"You saved us." She announced loudly, an awe-struck smile on her face. Leon didn't get the chance to say anything before she pushed the flowers into his hand and ran back to her mother.

"She's right, Sire. You did save us. We owe you our lives." An old man spoke from one doorway, but then Leon's head went swivelling around as a young woman echoed his words from a market stall. Before long, everyone was shouting their thanks for his help with the fires, keeping them alive and then keeping them safe in the forest.

It took almost an hour before a furiously blushing Leon managed to make some excuse about their king needing him and fleeing in the direction Arthur had gone in. Sure enough, the king was sitting comfortably off to one side whilst Elyan chatted easily about his work as he brought his hammer down on what looked like was the beginning of a sword. Arthur saw Leon coming and rose, striding out when Elyan was half way through his sentence.

Leon skidded to a stop, breathing heavily from his mad dash through the market. He had never realised how small that space was and just how many people were there until they had all crowded in on him.

"So? Do you believe me now?" Arthur asked casually, turning Leon back towards the castle and waiting until his knight had caught his breath before they both fell into step with one another. Leon sighed.

"I would never _not_ believe you, Sire." He began, choosing to ignore Arthur's snort of disbelief. "It's just... I don't know, I suppose I know how Percival feels when he says that he should have done more. It didn't matter that fate seemed to be against us, something could have been done in order to stop you having to run all the way to Ealdor and still not finding safety there."

"Leon, the only thing you could have done in order to make sure I lived was staying alive yourself. I can't do it without you. You've always been there to put things back together for me, and this was no exception. If you had fought for longer and died...I'm not sure I would have been able to do it."

"I thought you always told me that you could do it yourself." Leon muttered teasingly. Arthur glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and the knight nodded softly. He was listening to what Arthur was saying, and he would try. But just like everyone else, it would take time. If Arthur's small smile was anything to go by, that was enough for the man for now.

"When I was young and a brat who thought he didn't need anyone." Arthur admitted, and Leon found his smile widening at hearing Arthur admit he wasn't the easiest teenager to deal with.

"You're still a brat, Sire."

"Watch it, I'm your king now."

"As if you would ever let me forget." As Arthur simply threw back his head and laughed, carefree, young and innocent sounding despite everything they had been through, Leon felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. It wasn't Camelot he had sworn to protect, it was Arthur. Or more specifically, this side of Arthur, the happy and healthy one rather than one drawn and wearied by the duties of being a king. Right now, listening to him laugh at something Leon himself had said, the knight could finally believe that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't failed after all.


	6. Arthur and Merlin

**Well, here it is, the one that I know you've been waiting for. Arthur and Merlin. **

**Thank you so much for the reviews and support with this story, it has meant the absolute world to me and I'm so thrilled that it has been enjoyed, thank you so much.**

**Here we are, the last chapter:**

Arthur was up and out of his rooms long before Merlin arrived. It wasn't that his manservant was late, far from it. If anything, Merlin seemed to be getting earlier and earlier, almost as if he was trying to catch the king out. But Arthur had still pressed a lingering kiss to Gwen's forehead, changed into some comfortable clothes that not only allowed him to move fluidly, but also meant that it was hard for someone to recognise him unless they knew who they were looking for, and left his chambers.

By the time the sun had risen, Arthur had managed to spend about an hour on the training dummies before ducking away as some of the squires came out to practice. He had known for a while they snuck out whilst their masters still slept, and was just glad that there was a fresh lot of young men prepared to take up the honour of protecting Camelot when they were old enough. Especially considering how many times she had fallen in the last few years, Arthur wasn't sure her reputation was quite what it used to be and it had been a worry for him. There used to be a certain prestige about being chosen as a Knight under Uther's reign, mainly because the man was so strict as to who was allowed in. Arthur had wanted everyone to be given a chance, but not at the cost of lessening the honour of doing so. A man looking for honour would not turn around and stab him in the back. Or so he thought, Arthur wasn't quite convinced that he could trust his instincts in the same way anymore.

Ducking away before the youths saw that their king had beat them out here, Arthur silently returned his borrowed sword to the rack. He didn't want to remove his own from his chambers in case he didn't make it back before Merlin got there. He was sure that if his servant noticed that the sword was missing, he would piece together what Arthur was doing, and that would be that. It wasn't that he was deliberately hiding the fact that he was training almost three times as much as he should, it was just he knew that Merlin would worry about it and the whole thing would turn into a pointless argument that left Arthur with the need to simply throw something.

Instead, Arthur just borrowed one whilst he practised his technique, leaving it for someone else to find. Now that people were beginning to stir, he knew that he needed to move fast in order to avoid detection. Making his way behind the stables, Arthur just about avoided the stable-hands and instead grinned when he saw that he had made it to the wide open field. It led straight down to the river and his spot with Leon, the path then doubling back through the woods and rejoining the training grounds. But what made it so perfect for Arthur was that it brought him right to one of the side doors, meaning that he could slip back into the castle and make his way up to his rooms in time for breakfast without anyone being any the wiser as to where he had been.

Stretching out his legs, Arthur took a deep breath, his eyes gleaming slightly as they fixed on the path ahead of him. Starting out a slow jog, the King quickly built up his speed until he was thundering along the route. It was easy going by here, but he knew that he would need to get his speed to a steady level by the time he reached the woods in order to deal with the trickier terrain there. Even despite the fact that he had been doing this every morning since they had returned, Arthur soon felt the sweat beginning to pour off him. Each morning he forced himself to go faster, pushed his muscles past the point that was strictly wise. Considering he had his normal training regime in the afternoons anyway, Arthur was pushing himself too far.

In a way, he knew what he was doing wouldn't help him in the long run. But as his feet pounded out the now familiar path, the physical burn on his muscles allowed his mind to clear. There had been a deep restlessness within him since they had returned, and Arthur knew it was because he had left the kingdom when she had needed him most. He should have stayed here and fought, even if part of him knew that Morgana would just have him killed. But what disturbed him the most was that he couldn't remember how he had left. His ribs were only just healed enough, something that had made his morning routine more than awkward for the first few days. It meant that he knew he wouldn't have been able to just fight his way out, but he knew himself well enough to know that he wouldn't have just left. Maybe he had passed out and Elyan and Percival had got him out that way? But he only knew that it was those two knights who had accompanied them because Merlin had told him. All that Arthur remembered was waking up in those damn clothes with his servant fast asleep against a tree, surrounded by smugglers of all people. Smugglers!

That was why Arthur knew that something was wrong. He wouldn't have chosen to take refuge with people that he would have otherwise been hunting, despite how good they ended up being. It meant that it had to be Merlin who had made that decision. But how on earth had his servant moved him and been the one to convince the smugglers that they meant them no harm..?

Even just thinking about it made Arthur's head pound, so he instead let those frustrations be taken out as he ran. He jumped the river with one easy leap, knowing that was the only place where it was narrow enough to do that. He knew his kingdom inside out, and it was killing him to know that he had almost lost her to someone that he once considered to be a sister. Of course, he now knew the irony of those feelings and it simply sent another wave of frustration through him. Even his father had lied to him! Was there anyone who had ever been completely honest with him? Well, apart from Merlin, his servant was an open book when it came to telling Arthur how he felt of the king's actions.

It was only when he reached the forest that Arthur skidded to a stop, his chest heaving as he tried to suck in a huge lungful of air, the sweat pouring off him and causing his shirt to stick. One glance at the sky showed that he had made it within an even quicker time than he had before and Arthur knew that he had to regain control of his breathing before he could push on. After all, there was only so much he could hide from Merlin. Resting one hand against a tree for support, the King just breathed heavily for a long moment.

Stopping, however, wasn't doing Arthur much good. Even in this part of the wood, there were signs from where the Southerners had approached with their deadly intent to take something that wasn't theirs. Feeling the frustration building up once again, Arthur took safety in the knowledge that he was out here alone. With a yell, he moved away from the tree before spinning back towards it in one smooth movement. Only rather than letting his hand rest against it as a way of grounding himself, Arthur's fist went plunging into the bark. Luckily, he had remembered to let the tension out of his hand at the last moment, so although he split the skin along his knuckles, he didn't do any more lasting damage than that.

The same could not be said for his nerves when he suddenly heard a noise. It was coming from deeper within the trees, but not too far in. What made Arthur's heart pound was the realisation that the noise was human. He was not as alone out here as he thought. Immediately regretting that he had left the sword behind, the King's hands tensed as his eyes darted about anxiously, taking note of everything around him that could be either an advantage or a disadvantage to him if it was someone other than a friend out here. He didn't think it was any lingering Southerners, he had been doing this route every day for over a week now, they weren't that stealthy.

Knowing that he had already given himself away from his yell, Arthur moved swiftly. He wanted to know who it was that was out here this early other than himself. He knew that his knights had been suffering, battling their own personal demons over what had happened, and Arthur knew the chances were that whoever it was had been attempting to seek solace from being in the calmness of the woods, just like himself. Slipping easily from one tree to the next, Arthur followed where he could still hear the noise coming from. As he got closer, the king found that the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up slightly. He had originally thought that maybe it was more than one person - that they were perhaps talking to someone - but as he got closer, he realised that it was something more than that. The sound was deeper, more mystical, and Arthur realised with a jolt that it was chanting he could hear.

Pressing himself against an old oak, Arthur counted down under his breath. He knew that he had to use the element of surprise in order to be able to get the person, especially if magic was involved. A shadow fell from the other side of the tree, a clear sign that whoever it was happened to be standing within reaching distance. Steeling himself, Arthur leapt out from behind the tree, his hand managing to grab fabric of the person's clothing and he jerked them around. Grabbing onto their forearms, Arthur spun them to face him...and promptly let go in shock.

"Merlin?"

"Sire?" It was harder to say who looked more surprised to see the other, but Arthur immediately grabbed his servant, pulling him behind the tree.

"Where are they, you must have seen them?"

"Where are who?" There was nothing but the utmost confusion in Merlin's voice and glancing at him, Arthur knew his servant didn't have the faintest idea what he was talking about.

"I heard chanting, there are sorcerers around."

"Oh, that was me." Arthur felt his eyebrows raising as he glanced at his servant, and sure enough, the man's normally pale complexion was tinged ever so slightly pink. Arthur glared.

"You were chanting?"

"No!" Merlin's quick protest was so loud that Arthur knew if anyone else had been lingering around, there was no way that he could take them by surprise. "I was, um..singing?"

"You were singing?" Merlin nodded enthusiastically.

"I was gathering some herbs in the forest for Gaius, especially as he still isn't up to it just yet. But there was something so peaceful about being here, in the sunshine on my own that it just kind of...slipped out?"

"You weren't on your own though." Arthur scowled, forcing the tension to leave his body and his hands to unclench themselves. He took a few steps away, not wanting to admit that there was something about this place that made him feel...well, he didn't know what it made him feel. If pushed, Arthur would have said that it almost felt magical. But there was no way that he was going to admit that out loud, for it was feeling like the same sort of magic he had felt in the clearing where he had pulled the sword free. It was the sort of magic that he could honestly say made him feel safe. It was why he would never be able to mention it out loud.

"Well, how was I to know that, you're early." Merlin seemed to cringe as Arthur turned to look at him, and this time, there could be no denying the flush working his way up his face.

"I'm early?" Arthur said slowly, a niggling doubt beginning to work its way into his mind. Merlin had been getting earlier in arriving at his chambers, Arthur had only just been making it back in time. But what if that hadn't been anything to do with Merlin getting up earlier – Arthur had given up on that as a lost cause years ago – but because whatever it was that he had been doing was taking less time.

"You know, you normally don't get here until about a half an hour after the sun is up, and... I'll just shut up now?"

"Oh no, please, keep talking." There was a warning note in Arthur's voice that implied his words were more of an order than a suggestion. "Why is it precisely that you know what time I get to this point? How..."

Arthur paused, grabbing Merlin by the front of his jacket and practically slamming the slighter man against a tree. He should have known that Merlin would have realised that he had been up to something, and he wasn't sure how that made him feel. He had been trying so hard to make sure that he kept up the look of being strong in front of his men, even his queen. He couldn't afford to be weak, not after everything. He wasn't sure if he felt ashamed or relieved.

"How do you know that I would even be out here? Have you been following me, _Mer_lin?" Despite his own anger, he hadn't expected the familiar defiance to leap into Merlin's eyes. Over the years, he hadn't had to defy his master quite as much as he had done at the beginning, and Arthur knew that was partly because he had matured and begun to think through his decisions a little more. Yet right now, his servant looked as annoyed as Arthur was feeling.

"Not everything is about you, Arthur." Merlin shrugged off the loosening grip that Arthur had on him and walked a couple of steps away. Despite the fact that Merlin had just turned his back on his king, Arthur let it go. The lanky man clearly had his arms folded across his chest if the way his shoulders were set was anything to go by and he had one shoulder resting against a tree, propping him up. "Camelot is my home as well, you know."

Something stirred unbidden in the back of Arthur's mind at Merlin's words. Something about his servant once confessing that he wasn't sure if he had found somewhere that he belonged. Did that mean he truly felt like he did belong in Camelot? Despite himself, Arthur found that thought alone caused him to smile softly. Everything he had thought he had known in Camelot had been ripped from him in the last few years, everything apart from Merlin. Even Gwen had changed in those years, from Morgana's faceless maid to his Queen. Yet Merlin was still just Merlin.

"It hurts me to watch her burn like that in the same way that it does the knights and you. I know that none of you are coping, not even you, Sire. I know full well that you are out here before dawn each and every day, trying to prove yourself to a piece of straw. Does it help, Arthur? Does it make you feel any less frustrated or helpless at the fact that we were forced to run?"

At some point whilst he had been speaking, Merlin had spun to face Arthur, his hands falling back down to his sides. Arthur was surprised to see that his fists were clenched in a similar way to how Arthur's had been earlier, and there were tears in his eyes. It wasn't the sort of tears that Arthur could mock him for, but ones that he understood. Sheer and utter frustration.

"No." He admitted softly, not even attempting to pretend that Merlin had it wrong. "She still fell. I was still too slow, too weak in order to protect the one thing that I vowed I would give my life for."

"Sometimes living for what you believe in is harder than dying."

Arthur blinked, not being sure whether that had truly been his servant that had spoken. He wasn't sure that he would ever truly figure the man out. Sometimes he came out with things like this, and other times, he was practically the same gangly youth that had come stumbling in through the city gates just in time to insult the second most important person in the kingdom.

"Should I have died for her?" Arthur mumbled, avoiding Merlin's eye and staring back at the castle. Even damaged, even knowing that Morgana had sat on _his _throne and tried to declare herself queen, Arthur didn't think he had ever seen a sight so awe-inspiring.

"No." Merlin's voice was quiet, almost thoughtful."Your destiny is far greater than just being King of Camelot, Arthur. You showed that in the woods when you drew the sword out. This is only the beginning for you. If you had died, the things you will do, the things that you will achieve, all of that would have been lost too. But I should have."

The last part was added on so quietly that Arthur blinked in astonishment, not being sure whether he had truly heard it or not.

"Why the hell should you have died for her, you're just a..."

"Just a servant? Is that truly how you still see me, Arthur? You stopped seeing Gwen like that a long time ago, yet have I really not come on anywhere in your eyes?"

"You know you have." Arthur was fully aware that the conversation was now just bordering on awkward, and he wasn't quite sure how he should be dealing with it. Luckily, Merlin shot him an amused grin.

"I'll always be your servant, just admit it."

"Exactly. You never seem to realise just how important and influential that role is." Arthur knew that Merlin had never understood the true privilege he had been granted the night he had saved Arthur's life. It normally took a lot of effort to find someone worthy enough of being granted the honour to serve royalty. Not everyone could be trusted as much as Arthur trusted Merlin. "But why should you have died for Camelot?"

"It might be your job to keep her safe," Merlin mumbled, now purposefully avoiding Arthur's gaze. "You and the knights. Yes, you are all suffering, but at the end of the day, you did your duty. You got her back safe and sound, meaning you didn't fail. But I was supposed to keep _you_ safe."

For once, Arthur didn't comment on it. He didn't make some scathing remark about Merlin not even being able to hold a sword, let alone defend the king. Somehow, he knew the man was wrong. After all, why had he woken up in the woods with only Merlin there if the man hadn't kept him safe? The knights had fallen, the citadel had fallen, Arthur had been wounded... Yet it was Merlin that kept going, that got the king to safety when all else seemed lost. Deep down, Arthur knew that it was Merlin's words that had kept him fighting, given him the strength to take Camelot back.

"You did." He practically whispered. This was a far stretch compared to how the conversation had started out, yet Arthur knew that it needed to be said. For both of their sakes, they needed to admit what happened. "You kept me going when all else seemed lost. You saved my mind from giving up completely, and never underestimate just how powerful an act such as that is."

Merlin slowly turned to face Arthur properly, no hint of mirth in his eyes as he looked at his king.

"Are you okay, Arthur?"

"No." If someone had asked Arthur a few years ago whether the only person he could truly be truthful with was his servant, he would have laughed at them and had them arrested for sheer stupidity. But right now, he couldn't think of anyone else he would be able to say the words to, not even Leon. "But I will be. I have to run, I have to take it out on straw as you rightfully pointed out, because I failed in protecting her. I have to pay the price for that, the way Gwaine fought monsters in his head and I left Leon in the middle of the town. It's simply something that I have to do. But I will be alright."

Merlin nodded, a small smile on his face and turned away again. Arthur wasn't finished though, and reached out to grab his arm. He had already crossed the line long ago with things he felt comfortable saying to Merlin, ever since he had heard the chanting in fact.

"Are you?"

Something in Merlin's face seemed to light up at the question, but rather than the energetic nod Arthur was expecting, Merlin simply sighed.

"Like you, I will be. But I have to come out here each morning. I have to pr...pick herbs." Arthur pretended not to notice Merlin's slip, or the way his eyes flickered down to the floor before meeting Arthur's gaze again. He had learnt long ago that Merlin was hiding something, and knew full well that although you could read how the servant was feeling just by glancing at his face, you only saw what Merlin was prepared to show. He was an open book, but the page was one of his choosing, and no one could turn it without his express permission.

"For Gaius?" Arthur asked gently, a soft smile on his face. Merlin echoed his smile.

"For Gaius." The two men simply looked at each other for a long moment, understanding in their eyes. Maybe neither had quite uttered the whole truth, but they knew they other was more than aware of that. There were always going to be things that could never be said between them, and this was just one of those things. But the important bits had been voiced, the understanding that neither of them were quite there yet, but that they would be given time.

"Come on, you need to get me breakfast." Arthur eventually muttered, turning away and beginning to walk back towards the castle. For some reason, he didn't feel the urge to sprint it this time, didn't feel the need to outrun the demons that had been chasing him ever since Gwaine had announced that the city was under attack.

But as he walked, Arthur didn't look back. For he was sure that if he looked back, he would see Merlin doing something that he wouldn't understand, wouldn't be sure if he wanted to understand. His servant had come out here for a reason, the same as Arthur. The hope to be able to do something alone. Just because Arthur no longer had that pressing desire in the same way now that they had talked, it wouldn't be right of him to assume that Merlin felt the same. So he gave his servant a few moments of privacy and simply walked away.

For his part, Merlin let his eyes flash and finished placing the wards that would warn him in future of enemies approaching. The magic rolled off him even as he cast an anxious glance towards Arthur. As the protection was put in place, he was sure that he saw the King shiver ever so slightly. But as Arthur didn't falter in his step, Merlin bent down, grabbed the first plant he saw and hurried after his king.

"Gaius." He muttered with a shrug when Arthur glanced at his hand. It was only then that Merlin realised he had picked up nothing more than a common flower, yet Arthur didn't say anything.

Side by side, the king and the warlock strolled casually back into the castle they knew that, without the other, would have been lost.

**The end.**


End file.
